Danika Dinsmore

Author / Educator / Activist

Archived Blog

Depression is the New Black

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Happy New Year.

It’s half-way through January, and I still don’t feel like I’ve landed in 2015.

I was late to the party. I don’t know what the rest of the world was up to over the holidays and transition into the new year, but I was deep undercover. I mean literally under my covers, not eating, shuffling around like a zombie, and then alternating between uncontrollable anger and despair. My condition might have been a side-effect of inflammation combined with “perimenopausal rage.” It might have been S.A.D. and a disconnection from Spirit… or any combination of the above. At the time, it didn’t matter. I was in the relentless grip of the “Grenade Monster” (launching its violent attack upon me and my world).

Almost every person I have ever known has suffered from some form of depression. There’s the ebb and flow of life, difficult spiritual growth spurts that I believe are a healthy part of being alive and human. I’ve heard others speak of a one-time extended “dark night of the soul.” For some, it’s a challenging recurring pattern over their entire lives, causing much suffering for them and their loved ones. Generally, the Grenade Monster shows up for me every few years or so, gifting me with some form of epiphany afterwards.

This book would never have been written if it weren’t for the following: Sleeplessness, Self-Doubt, Depression, and Anxiety. So, thank you demons. You guys are the greatest!

~from inside of Andrew Smith’s 100 SIDEWAYS MILES

Those familiar with deep depression know that there’s no way to think oneself out of it. Even when you recognize your thoughts as completely illogical. The Grenade Monster is a bully and a liar and feeds on our deepest triggers, twisting other people’s words and intensions.

I’m generally known as an optimistic person. I’ve been called the “Sunshine” on many occasions. I have attended so many personal development workshops, read dozens of self-help books, and have quite the stash of tools. And yet, in the grip of the Grenade Monster, I couldn’t use any of them. I didn’t even want to use any of them. The Monster launched “shut the f*** up” Grenades at anyone offering advice. Compassion for self and others completely shut down. I decided at one point I was going to buy a used car and move to Nelson, BC where no one knew me and no one could find me.

My husband (a leadership skills development specialist) was a great person to have around. During one of my crying jags he told me, “I’m just going to let you feel what you’re feeling, and you can tell me if you need any kind of support.” He didn’t get caught up in my drama; he didn’t try to fix me. I could cry and rant and rave, or hide away from the world, without judgement or chastisement. So, I cocooned myself inside my depression, refusing to leave. I didn’t want to let go of it, because (as silly as it seems now) I was afraid if I did, I wouldn’t have anything left.

Yet . . . even though it was painful, even though my thoughts were dark and twisted, even though in the throes of it I couldn’t remember what Sunshine felt like, and it felt impossible to find it again – somewhere deep inside I knew it was all temporary. I knew I’d eventually get out the other side to a better space. When I started to see some light, I told one of my friends, “I better have one huge friggin’ epiphany after this one. I’ve earned it.”

How did I manage it? To stay in the world, I forced myself to pick one small thing to do every day. One day I sent a query (that was a big day), one day I put some pads on a door that was slamming into a wall, one day I did laundry. It was as much as I expected myself to do. The important thing was that I allowed myself to feel what I needed to feel without adding guilt or shame on top of it. What would be the point of that?

My first two trips outside were not pretty. I was a balloon blown up so tight that anything even grazing me could make me burst. The first time out a woman closed a door in my face and I burst into tears.

Depression Balloon

On my third trip out into the world, I concentrated on my breathing to try to get away from the Maze of voices in my head. I started paying attention to my body, how my arms and legs were moving as I breathed. Eventually, I began to share with my friends where I had been and began to listen to others – seeing their suggestions as loving gifts that I could at least consider. Or seeing my friends as simply parts of me reminding me how to take care of myself.

I AM GRATEFUL FOR JELLO

Several years ago I had a friend with whom I shared a private “gratitude” blog. Every night we’d try to post 5 things we were grateful for. We were both in pretty bad financial straights at the time, and we used it to stay positive. My friend was in far worse shape than I. She had this knack for getting into bizarre situations. At one point she didn’t have money for rent, so she decided to risk the small amount she had at the casinos. She won several thousand dollars, only to have it stolen from her within hours. She had to move to a cheaper place, but the movers demanded more than they quoted, and when she couldn’t pay, they kidnapped all her belongings.

In her new place she had nothing in her cupboards but a package of dried spaghetti and a box of jello. She ate the spaghetti the first night. The next night in our online gratitude journal all she wrote was: I AM GRATEFUL FOR JELLO. It made us both laugh and cry.

My friend Rev. Angelica also keeps a regular gratitude journal. One time she told me that no matter how depressed she gets, she can always write in her gratitude journal: I am grateful for my cat.

Half-way through my depression, I was curled up under my blankets, despondent, and Frederico Suave snuggled up against my legs. I remembered what Angelica had said, and I began to chant: I am grateful for my cat. I am grateful for my cat. I am grateful for my cat. Over time this became, I am grateful for all cats. And then, I am grateful for animals in general, they’re awesome. And since my husband had been especially awesome, I started being grateful for him too (he jokes now that he falls two below cats, but I think Freddy would probably agree).

Odd Cat
This is what cattitude looks like.

 


YOUR ASSIGNMENT

There is a surprising amount of power in gratitude. Really feeling it from the heart and expressing it on a daily basis is a surprisingly simple thing you can do if in a dark cloud. If you’re in the middle of a truly debilitating depression, you might not be able to get there at all. It took me several days to even get to my “cat gratitudes.” But, if you’re open to it, give it a try. Whether in the grip of the Monster or not.

 

Want to read more?

Many other folks on the interwebs have blogged about depression:

Libba Bray’s fantastic post about an 8-month struggle with The Monster

Wait, But Why (This post is about procrastination – but they are so connected for me)

Hyperbole and a Half – brilliant, humorous, profound

The Bloggess

Moms Who Drink and Swear on how Depression is different for everybody

 

 

*Tell me of any others you found helpful and I’ll add them to the list!

Getting to the Story

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I am developing an online course called Getting to the Story to begin in February 2015. This blog post features a sample from the coursework. If interested in taking the class, contact me HERE.

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According to NaNoWriMo stats, about 23% of their participants finished their 50,000 words by the end of Nov. If you were one of them, congratulations. You have a big pile of words to play with!

And if you were one of the 77% (hi there!) who didn’t finish, whatever you wrote you still have, and whatever you learned you’ve still got on your tool belt.

The joke around here is that my NaNoWriMo became a DecNoWriMo, and now I’ve succumb to the fact that it’s really a JaNoWriMo. But that’s fine by me, because when I started my NaNo this year, I realized I didn’t know this story at all. During NaNo month, I didn’t have the time to figure it out, so I just started telling my story, rambling down a long summary.

In the end, I have to start somewhere, and it’s always new.

After NaNoWriMo was over, I took a look at what I had and went, “Ugh.” It was the literary equivalent of waking up to a pot of crusty half-cooked noodles I’d left in the sink the night before.

I know from experience that I couldn’t just think my way out of my lumpy noodly mess. If one thinks and thinks and thinks about the mess, it doesn’t magically become a story. I believe the only way the story gets written is to write it.

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by Stefan Zsaitsits

And so, I set the mess aside and pretty much started at the beginning again.

First thing, I had to get to the story…

 

GETTING to the STORY WORKOUT
Part One

I teach an outline style called Sequence and Beat. I teach my students to write out the major sequences of their stories and then divide those up into “scenes” or “beats.” But how do I figure out what those sequences and beats are? Usually by writing exercises where I discover it on the page. (NOT AT THE COMPUTER — these exercises should be hand-written)

Think in terms of Big Action

In the following exercise, you’ll divide your story into three parts (Beginning, Middle, End). In each of these parts, there will be a BIG ACTION that crucially changes the status quo (some call this a reversal). There will be other minor reversals and complications. The Big Ones are the set up of the story (conflict) and the journey (trials and tribulations) that result in achieving (or not) the over-arching goal. If you keep these Big Actions in mind, it will help you move your story forward cohesively.

For instance, if the over-arching goal of the entire story is for a man and woman to be together, there will be things that drive them apart.  Maybe small things at first, but then something that seems insurmountable to them both happens. Maybe the Big Action by the end of the first section is the woman marries someone she doesn’t love. Bummer. Boo.

In Book Four of my White Forest series, the over-arching goal is for Narine to “reset” the world’s balance. Before she can do that, she has to find the one character who knows her destiny. That character is in mortal danger and Narine has to save her. The Big Action in part one is saving this character, but there’s a lot of things that stand in her way.

All the sequences that lead up to the Big Action make sense

The sequences that lead up to this point – the woman marrying someone she doesn’t love, for example – need to make logical sense and/or force the character into this position. What things get in her way and redirect her into doing something she would not have done at the beginning of the story? Did her kingdom become enemies with her lover’s and another kingdom demand her hand for their prince for their allegiance? Or was it more subtle – neither party recognized what the other felt and the man took a job in another country out of heartbreak?

EXERCISES

Please write without too much thinking, without stopping, and without rereading & editing

1) Start with the line below and keep writing for 5-7 minutes OR until you think you’ve covered all the events leading up to the Big Action.

The first section of my story all leads up to __(Big Action)___. This event is inevitable because . . .

2) Repeat the exercise for parts Two and Three using the following start lines:

After the events of Part One, my protagonist is left to . . . 

In Part Two, the Big Event that propels/ignites my protagonist into taking action is . . .

In Part Three of my story, the over-arching goal is achieved after . . .

 

 

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NaNo – – No

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(scroll down to skip straight to the Weekly Workout )

I came to the realization last Friday that I’m not going to be finishing my NaNo this year. Of course, a tiny piece of me keeps saying, “You can do it! Wake up at 3 am! Power through!” but that’s just because I’m stubborn like that. I really hate to lose, especially when it’s just to myself.

My hope had hung in there for a while, because last year I managed to pump out 30,000 words in one week… but I was on a porch swing in Hawaii at the time. Right now I’m working full-time on a movie, house-hunting for an upcoming move, and involved in a major protest on Burnaby Mountain.

So, life has been a bit cray-cray (wait, are women over 40 even allowed to use that term?). And in the cray-crayness of it all, I’ve done my best to take care of myself. To not exist on 5 hours of sleep per night. To watch what I eat and find some quiet mind each day.

Truthfully, my heart just hasn’t been on my NaNo, but up on the mountain with the other protectors. My blog posts suffered, because that was all I could think about in my spare time, and I have purposely steered away from posting political issues on this blog. Not that I don’t want you to know my politics (TRUST me, I will happily tell you), but because I want to feed other parts of myself and express other parts of myself. I could never be 100% political activist 24/7. I think I’d burn out and/or get cynical after a while (or both). I need to step away from all that once in a while in order to take care of myself.

Part of taking care of myself was supposed to be feeding the writerly side of myself, but that got pushed to the way-side, so here I am with four days left of NaNo month and 39,000 words left to go. (on the positive side, that’s 11,000 more words than I had Oct 31!)

The NaNo is not happening, I keep telling myself. I need to be okay with that.

 

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by Gizem Vural

 

Have you ever had that sinking feeling that something you really wanted to accomplish just wasn’t going to happen? You weren’t going to finish that marathon? Complete that degree? Climb that mountain?

Did you ever kick yourself later and say, “If I had only pushed harder…” I don’t think it’s really healthy for us to stay in that place of “I should have done better.” Sometimes we just aren’t up to it for whatever mental, emotional, physical, or environmental reason.  But perhaps remembering what it’s like in that precarious space of “I can do this” and “I can’t do this” you can have sympathy for your characters and an idea of how to bring them to the breaking point and push them over the edge.

*     *     *     *

YOUR WORKOUT

In your current story, where is the place when your character is so exhausted she doesn’t know if she can continue or seriously questions whether she will be successful at reaching her goal? HOW do you give her that last push to get her through SPLAT and to the other side where redemption lies? How are you pushing her to the edge, and have you really pushed her far enough?

 

Remember:
write without stopping, crossing out, rereading, or editing.

 

1) SET YOUR TIMER for 5-7 minutes.

Start with this line: In this scene, my character wants nothing more than to…

See where this takes you.

 

 

2) SET YOUR TIMER for 7-10 minutes.

Start with the line: In this scene, my character is up against…

Again… Write without stopping, crossing out, rereading, or editing.

 

3) SET YOUR TIMER for 10-12 minutes.

Start with the line: In this scene, my character is pushed to her limits when…

Write without stopping, crossing out, rereading, or editing

 

4) SET YOUR TIMER for 12-15 minutes.

Start with the line: In this scene, my character breaks the bonds of what’s holding her back by…

Write without stopping, crossing out, rereading, or editing.

 

Now, go write the scene in which your character is up against this obstacle, is pushed to the limit, and makes it out to the other side. And have a great rest of your week!

 

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Starting From Scratch: The Clown Challenge

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NEWSFLASH: This weekend I will be at Geek Girl Con in Seattle. My publisher (Hydra House) has a booth (#309) and I will be presenting “Imaginary Worlds for Kids” in Rm LL3 Sat at 11 AM & Sun at 3 PM and doing a signing Sat at noon wherever signings are. Probably by the book tables.

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Up for the Clown Challenge? Where do I Start?

 

I love a good challenge. Especially a writing challenge. I’ve completed NaNoWriMo twice, dozens of “10 day challenges” (writing a short screenplay, short story, or poem each day for 10 days), or doing themed challenges. It’s how I wrote my first (and only) literary zombie story. I saw a challenge. I saw a way to push myself in a new and unexpected direction.

While I was procrastinating researching today, I found a journal I was unfamiliar with:

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This speculative fiction journal focuses on some odd and interesting topics/themes: entomology, cryptography, and a rotating 3rd theme. For the next issue: Coulrophobia.

Coulrophobia is the abnormal fear of clowns. Which instantly reminds me of Poltergeist, a movie I loved as a kid.

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I know many people dislike clowns, who find them sad or creepy, but I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with true coulrophobia. I immediately decided I needed to jump on this one. Why? It gives me an excuse to do something I wouldn’t have done otherwise. 

According to the Unlikely guidelines:

… open to anything involving clowns in some significant way … think Sacred Clowns and Holy Fools. Horror, humor, existential angst, and tears of, we’re open to all that and more, in any combination. Heck, why not see how many different genres you can fit into a piece of flash fiction?

As if that didn’t sound like challenge enough, a recent tweet from the magazine mentioned that ALL submissions so far had been from men. They need more women to submit. How could I pass that up?

It’s a flash fiction issue (1038 words max) and the deadline is Nov 1.

So, how does one go about facing such a challenge? Here’s ONE way:

Your Workout:

Even if you’re not interested in writing about clowns, you can still use this workout to begin a story, any story. I’ve used it at least three times and each time come away with an interesting short story, and ideas for a dozen more.

1) Write 50 opening lines.

Write them in one sitting as fast as possible. Put the image of a clown (or any other image if clowns don’t interest you) in your mind and then just GO. Don’t think too much about each first line. Just jot them down. Don’t judge them or edit them. These are potential first lines for a story. (in this case, a flash fiction story)

If you can’t get 50 first lines down, do as many as you can until your brain stalls or melts. I do recommend pushing through to the end if you can. If nothing else, you’ll have 50 first lines to possible stories.

2) Pick your top 5 first lines and write 5 opening paragraphs.

If you can’t decide, share with your writing group if you have one (or friend, spouse, kids) and let them pick their faves. Just whittle the list down to the 5 most inspiring lines, then write 5 opening paragraphs from those 5 first lines. Again, without thinking too much, and certainly without editing. Do this as fast as you can, whatever flows from the pen (or keyboard)

3) Pick your top paragraph and go from there…

It’s that simple. From 50 first lines to the idea for a story to the story itself. It’s a numbers game, really. With 50 first lines to choose from, one of them is bound to inspire you and send you in a new and unexpected direction.

Surprise yourself! And feel free to share your five first lines below.

Have a great weekend and perhaps I’ll see you at Geek Girl Con! 

 

 

How Being a Children’s Author Helps Tackle Global Climate Destabilization (Plus a Workout)

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Congratulations to Miriam for winning the $25 Gift Card

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Last weekend marked the largest collaborative Climate March in our world’s history. Over 2,500 events in 162 countries during which citizens marched in solidarity a few days before the UN Climate Summit.

Climate march 

And I wasn’t there.

To be fair, my household was represented by other members of my tribe. But, I still felt a bit guilty for not going. This is a huge deal and it was a great historical event.

I have attended rallies and marches in the past. Sometimes they simply overwhelm me. Other times I get inspired, and then the immediacy of life takes over and I get caught up in my daily to-do.

I was left at home wondering what more I could do. I’m not a scientist, but I can support those developing solutions for our climate problems. I’m not a politician, but I can support those making ethical decisions regarding our communities and planet. I don’t work for any non-profits (although I want to start a foundation some day), but I can support those doing the hard canvassing and clean-up work.

I am a children’s author. I write and perform and teach Imaginary Worlds classes to kids of all ages.

What does that bring to the table?

https://bit.ly/YVJPYx
by Gizem Vural

 

In the past few years I’ve read about several studies linking reading with empathy. These studies show there is a direct correlation between children who read frequently and their level of empathy for others. An article in Scientific American said that, in particular, reading fiction that focuses on “the psychology of characters and their relationships” teaches kids “values about social behavior, such as the importance of understanding those who are different from ourselves.”

Reading novels as a child — implying literary engagement with life’s social, cultural and psychological complexities — can have a positive impact on personality development and social skills. ~Why Everyone Should Read Harry Potter 

An article in Psychology Today suggests that the “simplest, easiest, cheapest thing we can do to build connection between people is to read to every child.” Because reading fiction opens us up to multiple perspectives, it improves our ability to navigate relationships.

Reading allows children to conceptualize a world beyond the world of “self.” ~Raising a Reader, Learning Empathy

These studies make complete sense to me, because I believe reading a wide variety of literature as a child helps us to realize how connected we all are, but still how unique each individual is. They can also inspire by demonstrating the resiliency of the human (or faerie) spirit.

This is what I was thinking about last Sunday, when I decided to stay home and write and prepare bulk meals for the week (I am dealing with an auto-immune disorder and must cook all of my own food from scratch) while the rest of my family attended the march:

No matter what we do for a living, there is always a way for us to make the world a better place through our vocation. 

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We’ve got a tough road ahead of us as world citizens, and addressing these serious challenges will take a lot of empathy, a lot of creativity, and a lot of cooperation.

It sounds cliche to say that the children are our future, but THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE! What part am I playing in creating the future of our planet? Through my writing, teaching, and performing I’m doing the best I can to leave the next generation with the tools to work together harmoniously, to inspire ingenuity and creative thinking, to expand curiosity, to encourage compassion and inclusivity, to support a world of love and possibility rather than fear and divisiveness.

And through the empathy, innovation, and willingness of our future generations will the problems compounding today be approached with more cooperation and a collaborative spirit.

~     ~    ~

YOUR WRITING WORKOUT

Actions have consequences and ripple effects, some make major ripples and some affect only a handful of people.

How do your character’s actions create consequences not only for her, but for the people around her?

We can create empathy for a character whose small action sets off a chain of disastrous events beyond her control. We can also root for a character who redeems herself with a good deed that has a positive karmic ripple effect.

1) SET YOUR TIMER for 7-10 minutes.

Start with the line: Out of spite, my character decides to … and it causes …

While you’re writing, think of every single person this action could affect.

Write without stopping, crossing out, rereading, or editing.

2) SET YOUR TIMER for 10-12 minutes.

Start with the line: In response to my characters actions, CHARACTER B …

Now think of all the responses / reactions that could possibly happen. GET BIG about it.

Write without stopping, crossing out, rereading, or editing.

3) SET YOUR TIMER for 12-15 minutes.

Start with the line:  My character’s redeeming action happens when . ..

Now think about the ripple effect in the positive direction

Write without stopping, crossing out, rereading, or editing.

And have a great weekend!

 

Omnibus Release Week! Drawings and Freebies!

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This week marked the release of the print version of the Faerie Tales from the White Forest Omnibus. (*See how you can get a free ebook version of Book One at the bottom of the post)

The ebook version of the Omnibus contains all the same goodies as the print version, but for those of you who have a romantic relationship with print books, the print version really is beautiful. And thick! It’s a book AND a doorstop. And possibly a weapon.

 

Final Cover Omnibus

 

In honour of the launch, I am giving away a $25 Amazon gift card through midnight 9/25.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

If you win, there is no obligation to buy the book. (Really!) If you would like to purchase a copy outright, however, you can order one from any bookstore or locate on Amazon:

 ($7.99)  ($24.95)

You can also take your chances and win a copy of the Omnibus. The publisher is giving away two copies through a GoodReads giveaway, which runs until the end of October.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Faerie Tales from the White Forest Omnibus by Danika Dinsmore

Faerie Tales from the White Forest Omnibus

by Danika Dinsmore

Giveaway ends October 31, 2014.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

 

*Not sure you want to invest in the entire series? Interested in reviewing Book One (Brigitta of the White Forest)? Contact me HERE and I will send you a copy. I have epub, mobi, and pdf versions.

 

If you’ve already read any of the books in the White Forest series, reviews are always appreciated. Reviews are one of the best gifts you can give a writer. We depend upon them to spread the word. 🙂

 

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Poetry, Prose, and Purpose: an Interview

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A few months ago I was interviewed not only by March Twisdale of (aired on Voice of Vashon) I was also interviewed by her 12 year old son, who had just read the first three books in my White Forest series.

The interview is now officially for listening!

March Twisdale and Danika Dinsmore

 

It’s lovely. March is a fantastic interviewer and adds much to the discussion. But it’s long interview, over an hour, and we’re all so busy these days. So, I created a handy-dandy Table of Contents for the so as you’re listening, you can just click to the part that piques your interest.

** TEACHERS, LIBRARIANS, and other EDUCATORS:  there’s a portion about what I do in the schools that begins around 45 minutes in. 🙂 **

If you’re like me, I like to listen to interviews while I’m cooking or baking or cleaning up from cooking or baking. I’ve added two links below to the items I made while listening to this interview.

 

00:00 Mini Introduction to Poetry, Prose, and Purpose

01:26 (“sneaky” part of interview) a sound check and casual chat with Jordy (12) & Danika about her White Forest series (SPOILER ALERT – do not listen to this portion if you want to avoid some major spoilers from Books 2 and 3)

12:45 Official Introduction to the show, to March’s son Jordy, and to how March met Danika

14:40 Jordy’s official interview with Danika begins

15:15 Danika talks about Book Four (Fall 2015) and the remainder of the White Forest series

17:00 How parent/kid focus groups are helpful for writers

18:00 Discussion of Book Two and the Ancient’s plan for uniting the world

20:00 Discussion of how the series might appeal to a boy audience

21:25 Interview with March begins: The adult writer/reader perspective and significance of children’s literature

24:50 Significance of science fiction and other speculative fiction in young adult literature

28:52 Discussion around themes in Danika’s fantasy series and other children’s books

38:25 Discussion around the Power of Story

41:15 Danika’s new work in progress: YA contemporary (The Perks of Being a Wallflower for queer girls)

45:38 Danika’s work in the schools and inspirational writing exercises

51:50 Danika reads an excerpt from Book One

01:03:25 Final question: In a world filled with “bad” news, what message of HOPE would you like to leave readers and listeners?

~   ~   ~

Recommended things to cook while listening:

Pumpkin Apple Curry Soup (This is some seriously good soup)

Hemp Heart Breakfast Cookies (I used hemp hearts, coconut, and raisons for my “extras”)

For more health-conscious recipes, check out my Sweetwood Cookbook collection on my Pinterest Page

 

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You Are Doing It

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I read a great post on Chuck Wendig’s Terrible Minds blog (when does Wendig NOT have a great post on his blog?) about how whatever mental, emotional, physical issues hinder us, we’re all still real writers. Things hinder us. All of us.

I’ve wanted to write this down for a while, and Chuck’s post exorcised it from my brain’s blog post silo…

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by Stephen Zsaitsits

Are you a writer?

You are writing.

Your office is a mess, your desk is a mess, cobwebs taunt you from the corners of the room. Your inbox bulges with bills, conference paraphernalia, inspired notes, mad ramblings, phone messages, and receipts. But, you are writing.

You are writing.

You’ve got unfinished work, unqueried work, undeveloped ideas. You haven’t been published enough. You haven’t sold enough. You haven’t gotten enough awards/critical acclaim/attention from your spouse. But, you are writing.

You are writing.

You have trouble staying focused, staying off line, staying awake or asleep. You have trouble staying positive, staying organized, staying committed. You can’t quit your day job. But, you are writing.

You are writing.

You wrote 500 new words. You hate what you just wrote. You love what you just wrote. You are an imbecile. You are on top of the world.

You are writing.

Welcome.

You are a writer.

 

YOUR WORKOUT

I think I’ve given this assignment out multiple times, but it’s a good one.

As you go about your day, narrate it in your head like this, “Here I am at my desk, a writer writing.” (or, an artist drawing, or a dancer dancing, etc). Then, even as you do your domestic errands, keep that thought going. “Here I am a writer buying groceries. Here I am a writer picking up her son from his friend’s house. Here I am a writer washing dishes.”

It may sound silly, but a writer has to do all those things. Cook, pick up her kids, wash the dishes. To me the mantra is about celebrating your writing life, no matter what else you might be doing that day. It also brings me down to earth, grounds me a bit, and makes me smile.

Retreatment

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Before I launch into my blog post, I wanted to let you know of a release I have not had time to promote (see blog post).

Just yesterday, Hydra House launched the ebook version of the . It features the first 3 books in my White Forest series in one collection.

The print version will be released Sept 15. It’s really beautiful, too, and I’m so grateful to HH for putting it together.

click to buy

 

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RETREAT

: movement away from a place or situation especially because it is dangerous, unpleasant, etc.

: a place of privacy or safety :  refuge

: a period of group withdrawal for prayer, meditation, study, or instruction under a director

 

I just got off the phone with my mom discussing some painful digestion issues I’ve been dealing with. After giving her the update on my whereabouts and activities for the past several months she says, It’s no wonder you aren’t digesting properly. And I know she’s right.

For many years I felt a sense of panic about making my writing career happen, and it was never happening fast enough. Why wasn’t I selling more books? Why wasn’t I making a living at it yet? How come this is taking so long?

I pushed myself to write as much as possible, read as much as possible, market as much as possible, send proposals to conferences, granting organization, festivals, and schools, go on books tours, develop curriculum, travel back and forth to Seattle to meet with my publisher and attend said conferences. I spent weekends in booths, on panels, in writing group, and rewriting if my current job contract was eating up my week.

I’ve always been driven, but I’ve also always known that there’s no THERE, there. The journey is all there is. I had just forgotten, and that took its toll.

It’s not that I wasn’t having fun. All the things I was doing were engaging and interesting and things I wanted to do. It’s just that I had tipped way out of balance because I had piled on too much. I wasn’t eating right, I wasn’t sleeping enough, I wasn’t getting enough exercise.

My body has always been wiser than I am, but I don’t always listen to it. Sometimes it has to force me to stop in order to get my attention.

When I got back from my most recent out-of-town adventure, I collapsed. I could not move for two days. Everything I ate made me bloated and sick. I was told I was borderline anemic. Emotionally, I couldn’t pull myself together. I knew it wasn’t a full blown depression, just plain old exhaustion. My emotions were so close that small things set me off. I couldn’t even look at my office without bursting into tears.

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by Michael V. Manalo

I emailed anyone I had a commitment or responsibility to and told them I was out until further notice. I went on an extreme elimination diet, stopped setting my alarm clock, and slowly began to get my energy back.

I’m not telling you this to gain pity. I needed to take better care of myself. I needed to slow down. I needed to listen. For the first time in a long time I stopped without any sense of guilt. And, actually, I felt a new sense of freedom, because I was reminded about that journey part via two lessons.

1. We’re all in the same boat.

Something finally hit me about a month ago. It hit me after numerous conversations over the years with fellow writers. Every conversation at every conference or festival or writing event I attended always brought us to the same place: every published writer struggles no matter how successful they appear.

They struggle with writing and rewriting; with self-confidence, impatience, and doubt; with social media and marketing and promotion; with querying and publishing. They struggle every step of the way.

And they certainly struggle financially.

Very few writers I know are actually making a living just off of their writing. Why did I think it would be any easier for me? And why was I going to allow this to make me stressed and unhappy?

2. What if this is it?

An actor friend of mine was recently asked by her mentor, “What if this is as good as it gets?” Meaning, what if for the remainder of her life she didn’t score any larger roles than she already had? What if she never made a living off her acting, never got any more awards or accolades, never got that role as a series regular? Would she still continue to act if she knew there was nothing more to aspire to?

That’s a really tough question if you face it honestly, but I know the answer for me in terms of writing is YES. I can’t not write. I would be more unhappy not writing, even if it meant my career went no further than it has.

I recall one of my most prolific times in my early 30’s. I was single, living alone in a 400 sf apartment, with a very low-maintenance lifestyle and working part time. What I loved the most? All the time I had to write freely with no agenda. I was inspired.

I know if I continue in the direction I’m going, I’m bound to get somewhere else. It’s just that “somewhere else” can’t be my obsession. I’m much better off if I simply focus on my creative projects and the joy that brings. If I slow down, balance my life with things that I love and the people I love to do them with, I will be healthier and happier in the long run.

YOUR WORKOUT

For once I’m not giving you a writing workout.  I want you to do something RETREAT like for yourself. Something along the lines of:

  • If something is unpleasant and distressful for you right now, back away.
  • Find a safe and quiet place to be alone and read, draw, collage, or journal (FREE of electronic equipment), but DON’T make whatever you’re doing mean anything or have to be anything. Make it just for fun.
  • Meditate for 20-30 minutes in a quiet and peaceful place. Or, if you prefer, simply sit with yourself for 20 minutes not controlling or judging your thoughts, just notice what comes up for you and breathe.

And if you want to share what retreat methods you use, I’d love to hear.

 

 

Minor Appearances (and a Weekly Workout)

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There’s a Japanese man in my neighborhood whom I have been running into every few weeks for the past four years. I always run into him in the morning as he’s walking through the alleyways. He moves slowly, his right side recovering from what I would guess was a stroke, and my assumption is that these walks are part of his daily routine to strengthen his body again. He drags his right foot a bit and holds his right arm in a way that indicates it has little strength and mobility.

He’s probably in his late 50’s. I don’t know his name. I don’t know where he lives. And over the past four years, his recovery has been noticeably slow. But every time I see him he always grins wide and booms, “Good morning!”

I’ve never heard more than those two words from him, but I get them every time. I can even see him preparing to say them, to belt the words out and watch them being received. He looks me in the face, grins, and shares his two words.

It’s a full, clear, wonderful sound that holds so much: resilience, good nature, gratitude, joy, promise. Every time I hear those words from him I give thanks for the day and for my mobile body (that hasn’t always been (and isn’t always) mobile).

This man has become a “minor character” in my life. When I do my metta yoga meditation and I get to “someone who embodies loving-kindness” I often think of him. Even though all I know of him is his warm, “Good morning” as he moves slowly along, taking in the day, he represents so much to me about human kindness and perseverance.

by Alison Woodward
by Alison Woodward

The minor characters in our lives have histories we can read in their actions, expressions, and words. Some people are pure background: blurs, maybe a glance, exit. Some we meet once on a bus and they stick in our minds. I recall an inebriated man who stumbled out the bus doors, fell to the ground, and then became belligerent when folks stopped to help him even though he was obviously injured. I wanted to know how he had gotten to that point in his life on that day.

The minor characters in our stories should have histories, too. Obviously we don’t spend as much time developing those histories as we do for our major characters, but our fictional worlds will have more dimension if the minor characters do as well. We don’t have to know everything about them, but we can hand them some fear, some loss, some hope, some love. We can give them quirky behaviours, use them for comic relief, or paint them as a reflection of our setting or our theme.

In my current WIP I have a minor character, a nameless man who the protagonist sees walking his mini poodle sometimes. His quirk is that his sweaters match his dog’s. I let the reader think he’s background until one scene, very early in the morning, when the protagonist has snuck out of her house, he helps her finish a detailed chalk scene she’s drawing on the sidewalk. Instead of him calling her parents, or chastising her, he wordlessly picks up some chalk and helps her finish the drawing. That act made me fall in love with him.

YOUR WORKOUT

Pick any minor character in your story and set your timer for 5 minutes. Try any of the exercises below with them and see if it brings some new dimension. Don’t stop writing. Don’t edit. Just see what appears.

1) When MINOR CHARACTER steps out into the world each day, her biggest hope/fear is that . . .

2) When MINOR CHARACTER gets dressed each morning, she’s hoping that . . .

3) One of MINOR CHARACTER’s distinguishing behaviours is . . . which stems from . . .

Now that you know this character a little, perhaps you can discover something new about your protagonist through this minor character’s eyes? Set your timer for 5-7 minutes and, again without stopping, write:

When MINOR CHARACTER sees my protagonist, she assumes . . . 

Have a great rest of your week!

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